thedumbopt_imist

ngl today felt like a filler episode

me n my lil bro didnt go to school today cuz we had a checkup

i lowk forgot myself in the early morning cuz i showered later than i shouldve n my mom was mad at me cuz im late for a lot of things when it comes to home stuff

ngl there was a lot of traffic on the way there cuz it was raining and we live in san diego

at the checkup they pretty much said that ion need anything
i also have my measurements n stuffs

im 163 cm (5'6") STILL and weigh 60 kg

after the checkup i got a meningitis shot n my lil bro needed to get some medication from the pharmacy n the wait time was TWO HOURS for some reason

it took so long that i ate the snack i brought (some chips which i was planning on actually eating at home; my mom suggested that i should eat them in the car but i didnt wanna try to awkwardly clean my hands in the car)

it went alr, then we got some stuff from a family friends house

on the way back from the family friends house i was talking about how today felt like a beach episode cuz it wasnt productive but my lil bro said that the term was filler and (he was right)
i also said that it feels like tmmrw is gonna be pt. 2

i did all my classwork when we got home so yeh

random thing but theres so many ants near me n my lil bros sink n its annoying to kill them all

school was alr
me n two other dudes were waiting at the guitar classroom for it to open n one of the dudes
lets call him derek ig
so derek knocked the door even though i told him not to n then he did it again n me n the other dude told him not to n i explained that my guitar teacher gets annoyed when ppl knock the door a bunch
then derek knocked the door again for some reason n i lowk js left cuz i didnt wanna be there for allat

i waited for some time n noodled on the guitar n the classroom opened so i walked in n we had a sub
nothing notable happened afterwards in that class..

compsci my friend who was absent for some days was back
(apparently he was sick lowk didnt know)

biology was not notable

my math teacher talked about how cracked he was at fortnite (apparently he was an og player of the game back in 2017)
also i said i was gonna bring someone chips
n we have a test tmmrw so pls wish me luck
i might start selling the flavors i dont like lowk

pic no. 12 school bus before a field trip (dec. 3rd, 2025)





pic no. 13 random path (jan. 31st, 2026)

we went to little caesars yesterday n i got the deep dish pizza

we also got chips at sams club

today school was alr

i had a presentation i had to do abt animals I find interesting
someone complimented my guitar playing but i felt like it was sarcastic

i bought a cookie from someone for $2

we went to CVS cuz my lil bro is lowk sick and we got candy (i got a chocolate bar (first time, it was pretty nice))

i forgot to write an entry for yesterday but it was kinda interesting

my mom was complaining abt a running joke me n my lil bro have
(robot )

im not explaining robot

but anyway my mom was complaining its not a useful conversation
shes honestly annoying to be around and when i can move out i will because shes an exhausting person and she isnt of much value (theres many examples, im js not putting them here cuz i dont feel like it)

(reminds me of when i was younger and i said i was feeling distant from her n she was like condescendingly questioning me)

she said me n my lil bro dont have productive convos n i said that we do n she said not to talk back

first period i got HARASSED by freshman 😭 (im a junior btw ☠️)
it was kinda funny but also kinda annoying for me n i wanted them to stop icl
they changed my chromebook wallpaper n took my stand n chair (my first period is guitar class)

second period we were working on a poster n my friend gave me an orange soda n i accidentally kinda choked on it so i like coughed it and it got on his sweater and i feel bad about it

third period was uneventful and i was anxious because im not the best at human interaction but being anxious prolly is worse than being bad at interacting

fourth period my math teacher was saying how hes gonna be more strict from now on cuz ppl did rlly poorly on the test (which annoyed me a lot for some reason even though all it is is that we have assigned seats and have to put our phones up during notes)

at home my mom n i had a convo abt future careers n she was saying i couldnt be a drywall installer (which is fine cuz im prolly not cut out for it) then she said some random stuff about gen z (she does this somewhat often its annoying, shes annoying) n i said something about how she has a lot to talk about n then she said some bullshit about respect and said i had to apologize

i apologized n i told her she was being rude n she said i should never call whatever she does rude and that shes training me (she said this all in the third person) she also said i shouldnt take it so serious n that i shouldnt care cuz i dont know all of gen z talked about how im sensitive n all the other shit she says honestly its of no value to me n i generally dont respect her opinion and idrc if it sounds ungrateful because she doesnt deserve my gratitude she takes advice from instagram reels n thats why she stopped buying us mouthwash cuz of some dentist on there its also rlly apparent that she has a whole confirmation bias

(i have MANY reasons for not liking her dont js assume its one thing or a couple small things she said i might marry some girl who was 10 at the time of her telling me that and i was 15 (she said i might marry her in the future, mind you this is all because me n the girl have the same birthday idk wtf is wrong w my mom honestly)

its weird cuz sometimes i dislike her n other times im alr w her when shes not being a jackass or saying strange things

oh yeah also my school had grape juice and it tasted like cough syrup

 i should prolly talk abt how school was ove the past three days 
oh and also winter break cuz i have pics to jog my memory 

so the day after new years (1/2/2026) i went to five below n got a ukuele and a fidget spinner (i had to ask my mom a bunch for the ukulele (she doesnt know abt the fidget spinner)) i was lowk awkward at the store n i forgot to click pay

also btw i drove my mom n i there

some other stuff to note is that i went to barnes n nobles before going to five below cuz i was bored n didnt wanna be in macys w my mom so i looked at the cds n i felt like i didnt belong for some reason n was js stressed out of my mind (i was looking for a soundgarden cd js for fun)

they had nirvana delux edition but no soundgarden

that also reminds me of how im kinda realising im js a normal person and that ppl dont see me as some evil beast or whatever 

i may need tberapy tbh


oh yeah als back to school, so for the first day of school, the water main broke or sum so we left school 10 minutes early
i also had new teachers (cuz thats how my school works, its like two halfs n one half of the year has one set of teachers n the other half has another set)

bcuz of the water main thing school started later and classes were 67 minutes long
(six seven)

i had to do that lowk

but yeh
my classes now r guitar, ap compsci, biology, n math
stuff seems chill icl i just hope my mind finally relaxes cuz otherwise idfk how im gonna live as an adult

also today nothing that notable happened other than me not being too productive in compsci and me getting tired in math class again (like yesterday...)
the teachers chill, i should prolly sleep earleir but i like being online n i think im lowk lonely but i kinda deserve it, icl, im trying to be a nicer person

that reminds me i highk dk if my crush fw me or not but logically (i js remembered this one vid i saw relating to relationships where its like if theres ambiguity js dont like take it as a positive or wutever) i should prolly js relax abt it but it stresses me out and i wanna know if he fw me but most signs point to no lowk n i feel bad cuz it is rlly my fault (i apologized sophomore n he said he didnt rlly remember freshman year anyway so idfk)

i think i desperately wanna be someone else's n maybe im forcing my ideas of him onto him in my mind 
im not even sure how he sees me 

i also kinda have a crush on this girl (not rlly i js kind think shes cool ig) (honestly i could date practically anyone whos nice and pretty (but preferably a guy))

im not close to either of them honestly i should rlly try to get close to ppl in the future i think i need a fresh start

unrelated but i went to hot topic on saturday at the mall n bought a soundgarden shirt
it seemed like there was only one employee there which i think is lowk depressing considering the way i think it used to be 
it was rlly cool being in there but i felt anxious (i hate the way i feel anxious so much)
im js rlly happy i have merch of them cuz theyre one of my fav bands
i also had panda express at the mall n that was nice
we were there to get haircuts (me n my bro) cuz my mom didnt like the way out hair looked (n we havent cut it since december)

also back to what i was saying previously, i think i need professional help honestly cuz the "right" decision js seems to make me tense and idk why it doesnt feel right it feels bad and tbh it js generally feels bad i dont think im cut out for this lowk not even in an edgy way i js dk how im gonna end up

honestly i feel like im destined to end up being a creep and that i cant be a normal person and that relationships will be impossible and i hate the idea of js being a creep and i dont wanna be or feel like im a predator or people by default think i am or are afraid of me

sorry theres no pictures

i should prolly talk abt how the last week of school was...

i got sick on saturday (from my lil bro) which messed up my plans (it was finals week for me)
on the bright side my school was testing some weird ass finals schedule which meant that the last 2 days of school were shorter

being sick made me rlly tired n i lost like 20 pounds somehow (apparently i should go to the hospital for this, my mom says i prolly have been losing weight for some time tho)
idk the tiredness is getting better tho

 finally a post once again...
sorry for the hiatus, school stuff,  i may appear and dissappear from time to time...

so my day went well, first period i lowk got bulllied by the lowerclassmen 😭😭😭 (they touched my guitar (it was guitar class) n stole my sheet music n took my bootleg airpods n looked through my journal (theres some random lyrics that i feel embarrased abt them reading)) it was all in good fun tho

the rest of my classes werent rlly notable

i forgot to add that i FINALLY finished my history assignment
i also finished most of the stuff for my english assigmnet, all i need to do now are the notecards (presentation thingy about a cultural thing (i picked guitar... of course...))

some time after we got home, my mom and i went out to buy breakfast stuffs and it was pretty chill (it was the night)

(made me forget abt the negative stuff thats happened in my life; in general and w her)

(tbh i need to learn how to use semicolons better)

we went to food4less n there was some guy who was walking his dog and drinking

when we were abt to check some stuff out, he apparently got called a foreigner by a staff member (the guy was white btw) 
so the guy got rlly angry and kept on repeating that he was called a foreigner (i didnt realize the spelling for this word was so annoying till now) while drinking his jack daniels or whatever the fuck

so yeah i was really glad me and my mom were able to leave


bcuz we didnt rlly have any unique food for dinner, we got some tenders n wedges from vons (icl those things were expensive AF for some reason)
i ate the wedges n tenders in the car (i had hand sanitizer in my pocket)
lowk seeing it and the night while we drove made it like the tenders were popcorn n the highway was a movie or sum


also at food4less the baby powder was locked up n everything n the prices were insane and i talked abt how i dont rlly want kids (which lowk shocked my mom for some reason even though ive said this a bunch of times) she talked abt the benefits of having kids n a family and that ppl who r alone may regret it n stuff

ngl it made me realize (i kinda already knew this but it was more like some sort of idea rather than me seeing it as something that could happen) that i DO actually want a relationship but i still dont think id want kids n its unlikely id get marrried

also forgot to add this but i played music in the car (connected my phone to the bluetooth in the car)

also the pic btw..
.
pic no. 11 statue of that iconic sailor photo (sep. 27th, 2025)

ok so part 2... finally...

so my first class of the day (guitar) we had a field trip to the taylor guitars factory
it was nice, they had a bunch of guitars in the front n i got to play a bass (i like basses, lowk wish i had one with my guitars)

they showed us how the guitars were made with the wood and how theyre sanded and the fretboars, the most interesting part was probably the sanding ig

i find it interesting that theres some parts that ur specifcially not supposed to take pics of (im assuming trade secrets)

all in all i enjoyed it

(they let us have free coasters n stickers, but no free guitar picks (people stole sum anyway))

lowk i was yawning a lot throughout the day

pic no. 10 me restringing my guitar (nov. 17th, 2025) 
 





tbh im in a depressed mood rn even though i was happy the rest of the day 
i keep thinking abt how i regret the ways ive treated people and i wish i was bettter and idk how to be better now and when im happy im less anxious and more normal and it probably makes me better i dunno

also i broke a nail clipper trying to cut the guitar strings the other day,  i might walk to target next week and buy a new one

i also have a project in history that i have to memorize for + i have assignments in my other classes i prolly missed cuz of the field trip

 needa be quick but heres a post anyway 
school was alr i feel like ppl dont like me n i cant blame them i have a lot of negative characteristics n ive done ppl wrong i wanna do better and im trying to
sometimes i forget tho
i plan on reading more to dissociate
i recently learned that dissociate and disassociate are two different words

ive been trying to listen to a lot more music to get my last fm scrobbles up cuz my numbers seem disappointing and i like music 

more stuff from discord:
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the other day i remembered pandemic school and how i played minecraft instead of doing work (we were supposed to be reading the outsiders)  the teacher told my mom at some point that i barely joined 😭

also other thing, ive lowk become so bored that imma start reading for fun
im not even bad at reading or anything I just usually don't do ir
like whenever i start reading after a while (for assignments cuz that's pretty much the only time I read) I dont rlly "feel" the book
i liked 1984 (i read it sophomore year)
but later on i start kinda visualizing stuff related to the book
------

also pic of the day

pic no. 9 my acoustic guitar's headstock (jul. 27th, 2025)

 pic no. 6 me experimenting with putting tape on my flash n then coloring the tape with a highlighter (apr. 17th, 2025) 

finally figured out the correct order for song titles