more stuffs ig

[thedumbopt_imist]

 i should prolly talk abt how school was ove the past three days 
oh and also winter break cuz i have pics to jog my memory 

so the day after new years (1/2/2026) i went to five below n got a ukuele and a fidget spinner (i had to ask my mom a bunch for the ukulele (she doesnt know abt the fidget spinner)) i was lowk awkward at the store n i forgot to click pay

also btw i drove my mom n i there

some other stuff to note is that i went to barnes n nobles before going to five below cuz i was bored n didnt wanna be in macys w my mom so i looked at the cds n i felt like i didnt belong for some reason n was js stressed out of my mind (i was looking for a soundgarden cd js for fun)

they had nirvana delux edition but no soundgarden

that also reminds me of how im kinda realising im js a normal person and that ppl dont see me as some evil beast or whatever 

i may need tberapy tbh


oh yeah als back to school, so for the first day of school, the water main broke or sum so we left school 10 minutes early
i also had new teachers (cuz thats how my school works, its like two halfs n one half of the year has one set of teachers n the other half has another set)

bcuz of the water main thing school started later and classes were 67 minutes long
(six seven)

i had to do that lowk

but yeh
my classes now r guitar, ap compsci, biology, n math
stuff seems chill icl i just hope my mind finally relaxes cuz otherwise idfk how im gonna live as an adult

also today nothing that notable happened other than me not being too productive in compsci and me getting tired in math class again (like yesterday...)
the teachers chill, i should prolly sleep earleir but i like being online n i think im lowk lonely but i kinda deserve it, icl, im trying to be a nicer person

that reminds me i highk dk if my crush fw me or not but logically (i js remembered this one vid i saw relating to relationships where its like if theres ambiguity js dont like take it as a positive or wutever) i should prolly js relax abt it but it stresses me out and i wanna know if he fw me but most signs point to no lowk n i feel bad cuz it is rlly my fault (i apologized sophomore n he said he didnt rlly remember freshman year anyway so idfk)

i think i desperately wanna be someone else's n maybe im forcing my ideas of him onto him in my mind 
im not even sure how he sees me 

i also kinda have a crush on this girl (not rlly i js kind think shes cool ig) (honestly i could date practically anyone whos nice and pretty (but preferably a guy))

im not close to either of them honestly i should rlly try to get close to ppl in the future i think i need a fresh start

unrelated but i went to hot topic on saturday at the mall n bought a soundgarden shirt
it seemed like there was only one employee there which i think is lowk depressing considering the way i think it used to be 
it was rlly cool being in there but i felt anxious (i hate the way i feel anxious so much)
im js rlly happy i have merch of them cuz theyre one of my fav bands
i also had panda express at the mall n that was nice
we were there to get haircuts (me n my bro) cuz my mom didnt like the way out hair looked (n we havent cut it since december)

also back to what i was saying previously, i think i need professional help honestly cuz the "right" decision js seems to make me tense and idk why it doesnt feel right it feels bad and tbh it js generally feels bad i dont think im cut out for this lowk not even in an edgy way i js dk how im gonna end up

honestly i feel like im destined to end up being a creep and that i cant be a normal person and that relationships will be impossible and i hate the idea of js being a creep and i dont wanna be or feel like im a predator or people by default think i am or are afraid of me

sorry theres no pictures